A child's expression of grief is very different than that of an adult.  The grieving process may vary widely depending on the emotional maturity of the child and the culture in which the child is raised.  It is important for parents, teachers, and professionals to understand the grieving process in children and the methods of support and intervention.

A child may demonstrate a multitude of responses following the loss of a loved one.  These responses often dramatically affect the behavior of the grieving child.  The child may experience a variety of physical, emotional, and psychological changes.  The grieving process in children is not linear.  It does not progress neatly from one step to another.  Often; the grieving process in children regresses back to prior phases.

The emotional responses often demonstrated by the grieving child include: sadness, anger, irritability, guilt, excessive worry, a feeling of abandonment, and helplessness.  These responses may lead to physical symptoms.  A grieving child may experience a variety of pains including stomach aches, headaches, chest tightness, shortness of breath, and loss of appetite.  The child may also tire easily with a decrease in activity and energy.

Grieving children will display the symptoms of grief in a variety of ways.  Some may regress into an earlier developmental stage.  For example; a potty trained toddler may suddenly become incontinent again or regress to thumb sucking behavior.  A child may withdraw from others or become forgetful.  He or she may refuse to go places which serve as reminders of the deceased loved one.  Nightmares are common.

How do we help these children work through their grief?  Even though there are grief patterns, not all children grieve in the same manner.  There is no "right" way to grieve nor is there a wrong way to grieve.  The goal should be to allow the child to grieve and offer support. For example; a school age child may not feel it is appropriate to cry in front of classmates.  An observant teacher could provide this child an outlet by offering the child an opportunity to cry in a place outside of the classroom.

Because adults so often have difficulties coping with their own mortality they tend to avoid talking about death and too often attempt to protect the child from any discussions of death.  Many adults feel a child should be "protected" from seeing the dead loved one or even attending the funeral.  If a child is mature enough, that child should be given the option as to whether or not to view the deceased loved one or attend the funeral.

There are many methods available to help a child cope with grief other than just talking.  Some children may want to talk.  Others may express their grief through a variety of outlets other than verbal communication.  Offering the child creative opportunities to express grief may go a long way in helping the child cope with loss.  Art, play, dance, music, and activities can sometimes help a child express grief more effectively than conversation.

There are a variety of reliable internet resources available on grief and children.  Some of these are listed below:

http://www.goodgriefresources.com
http://www.hospicenet.org/html/children.html
http://www.johgriefsupport.org/
http://www.grievingchildren.org/resources.html

References
Silverman, P.R., & Worden, JW (1992).  Children's understanding of funeral ritual, Omega, 25, 319-331.

Doka, K. (1995). Children mourning, mourning children, New York:Routledge.

Bluebond-Langner, M. (1965). The private worlds of dying children. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Wolfelt, A.D. (1991). Dispelling Ten Common Myths About Children and Grief  Retrieved October 27, 2008 from http://www.goodgriefresources.com/articles/article18.htm